Duke Nukem Forever – The Review

Duke Nukem Forever

The BasicGamers Review

By Wylie Tilson

“Duke, you’re a relic from a different era.”

First off, I’m skipping past all the “WE WAITED YEARS FOR THIS!” issues. The game is bad. Really bad. Even if you didn’t wait X amount of years for it. The game opens up wit you taking a piss. I’m not kidding. You hold RT (R2 for PS3) and he just starts pissing. You can then walk about the bathroom you are in and find other stuff like ummmmmmmm a piece of shit, which is about the equivelent of finding a copy of this game with in the game. Oh and it gives you an achievement for that. I kind of get it though. The game is built around a character who is basically a human form of “GOD” but waaaay more cocky and abusive towards women. Duke Nukem Forever is a game about going really fast 110% of the time, cursing at the most innapropriate moments and making really terrible comments about women. It’s Duke Nukem alright, but maybe Duke should have been left alone..

Side Note: The game makes fun of itself.

After completing the opening “boss” fight you find yourself inside of Duke’s mansion recieving head from two pop stars. When they come up one of them asks about the game you were playing and “is it good?” Duke replies “After 12 fucking years it better be!”

Gameplay

The gameplay in Duke Nukem Forever is lacking. I don’t know how else to say it. The controls are all over the place, majority of the time sequences boil down to “press one button to win” and leaves a boring taste in your mouth. Boss fights aren’t anything special and gun play is unimaginative. It feels like DUKE NUKEM 3D but has a better looking engine and to some, that may be great! But more than likely, you’re gonna hate it.

Note: The driving sequences in this game give a welcome break from the repetitive shooting, however, even those driving portions feel like they go on far to long to be anywhere near enjoyable.

Gameplay: 1/5

Audio

It sounds like Duke. Maybe because it is? In a weird way it sounds like “Duke” too much. Try to understand that thought before you bash me. Duke Nukem 3D is a GREAT sounding game for it’s time, the vocals could have done with an update. I understand that having that voice in the game is important to the fans and that’s fine it just becomes an annoyance as you get through the game. The guns sound “soft” and boring. Nothing to interesting and nothing that stands out.

Audio: 1/5

Graphics

Sadly the graphics don’t hold up well either. The game looks fine in passing and maybe in screenshots but majority of the time the game looks weirdly wet. Gearbox gave us Borderlands, which is great, and has it’s own style. Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t. I’m not saying “WE NEED CELL SHADING ON DUKE NOW” but I am saying it would have been nice if the game had it’s own look. A lot of the time enemy types, weapons, vehicles and a number of other assets look like wet clay models. This isn’t due to load times or because of how large a map is (none are that large) but simply because they were either left that or way or are directly intended to look like shit..

Graphics: 2/5

What very few assets look good, look really good. I’d hate for this review to become ‘DNF SUCKS” and in no way do I actually think that, it was fun for a very small amount of time, but it’s not something I’d recommend to a friend or even my worst enemy. This game is sad in a very serious way. The story is bad and full of very horrible voice acting. The gameplay is boring and overall a washed down version of decent FPS controls. DNF looks oddly bad to be running on UNREAL.

I’m giving Duke Nukem Forever a 1/5. If you are really itching to play a Duke Nukem, stick with Duke Nukem 3D. Also, get DN3D for PC, there are an insane amount of mods and add ons for that game developed by fans. Multiplayer, skins, weapons, it’s fantastic.

DNF: 1/5

-Wylie Dean

How does the scale for reviews work?

1-Don’t Buy

2-HARDCORE FANS COULD BUY AND POSSIBLY ENJOY

3-The Average, The Rental, The One Night Stand

4-You get exactly what you pay for

5-Fantastic. Went above expectations.

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